December 2005
Rejected Names for Dog Treats
- Arfs d'Ouevres
- Sir Edward Woofington's Ash-Free Terrier Wafers
- The Steak n' Bones Society
- Gristle Command
- Snickerpoodles
- Yap Nips
- Kibbles Belgrande
- Bones A-paw-tit (pronounced ah-paw-TEET)
- Barkitos
11:22 PM
04 Dec 2005
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Le cinema inspire
To prepare for yet another TV special, the American Film Institute has produced a list of 300 films for 100 Years... 100 Movie Cheers, a selection of the most inspirational movies ever made. Ever.
Invariably, that renowned Hollywood bias we've all come to grudgingly respect has led to the regettable omission of several powerful films, which I've listed below:
| protagonist(s)... | overcome great odds, represented by... | to achieve... | |
| Breakin' (1984) | spunky young woman; two equally spunky breakdancers named Ozone and Turbo | the Man; evil breakdancers; Jean-Claude Van Damme | roles in a hit Broadway show!* |
| Class (1983) | nerd archetype (Andrew McCarthy) | cool guy archetype (Rob Lowe) | getting some of that; sowing the seeds of the majestic Bratpackus johnhughesian |
| The Dead Zone (1983) | Walken | "I got bounced back from a coma!!! Your house!!! It's on fire!!! Your child!!! She's screaming!!! It's not too late!!!" | raising the possibility that most assassins and would-be assassins aren't crazy - they just possess amazing psychic abilities.** |
| Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985) | nebbish Everyman | surly truckers named Andy; pudgy manchildren named Francis; "Large Marge" | retrieving his precious bike with a horn shaped like a lion - a thinly veiled metaphor for our nation's lost, ever-wayward soul in the post-Watergate era |
| Rosemary's Baby (1968) | waifesque Mia Farrow | Satan; various imps and old people | the miracle of birth; a pledge to never ever interact with anyone in my apartment complex or elsewhere |
| Alive (1993) | Uruguyan rugby players; Malkovich | hunger; cannibalism; poorly built fuselage | Hufu, an enterprise that doles out a tofu product that supposedly matches the taste and texture of human flesh. Notably, the site also includes T-shirts celebrating the clubbing of baby seals. |
* I'm actually pretty sure that's really how the movie ended.
** For example, William McKinley's assassin, Leon Czolgosz, accurately predicted the Ionic Breeze from The Sharper Image.