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The Papal Name Search
The new pope got introduced earlier this week, and he happened to take the name of "Benedict XVI", in homage to the eponymous WWI-era pope. This sort of got me thinking: how do popes end up with these names in the first place? As usual, NPR comes through with a recent discussion on pope names, which can be boiled down to just a couple of bullet points:
- Pick a name that's at least a thousand years old. To be safe, you actually might want to go 1500 years back. You've got a tradition to uphold here. Would you want to go down as, say, Pope Gordon?
- Don't pick a name that sounds like an Autobot. Even if it rhymes with Awesome-us.
- For pete's sake, don't use a pagan god's name. Your peeps may start to wonder, especially if you start boasting about being able to change wind patterns.
- When all else fails, pick a nice adjective, like Innocent, or Urban, or Pius, or Hilarius. If anything, you'll have some good anecdote material.
With your new name, all you now have to do is try to avoid getting involved in a messy subplot in a Godfather film and/or Dan Brown book, and you're home free.
11:33 PM
20 Apr 2005
Comments
Pope joke:
Three men became priests in the Catholic church around the same time. Their names were Father John, Father Adams and Father SeCola.
All three were good men, but it seemed that only Father John and Father Adams were destined to move up. And so they did, until the three were Cardinal John, Cardinal Adams, but still Father SeCola.
In time the Pope passed away, and Cardinal John was given the honor. But Pope John had a weak heart, and he didn't last long. The flame was passed to Cardinal Adams, who was, unfortunately, assassinated.
Once again, Father SeCola was passed up.
This was the final insult for the good father, who went into the
church and prayed, "Father, I have served you faithfully. I have
kept all your commandments, I have done everything you ever asked of me, heck, I even got better grades than those two idiots! How come they were Popes and here I am, still only a Father?"
And God answered, "My son, I know. But think of what it would do for My image for one of My servants to run around calling himself Pope SeCola?"
Ahhh very nice. For the purposes of this joke, God has to occasionally speak with a thick Italian accent.
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