Why I'm Bummed Out About the Michael Jackson Trial

Why I'm Bummed Out About the Michael Jackson Trial:

1. Have to disable snappy Billie Jean monophonic ringtone every time I leave the house.
2. Pretty sure that I won't be catching any more bizarre hour-long collaborations with Stephen King on VH1.
3. Will have to endure approximately four more years of Jay Leno monologues. A sample future monologue:

   "Mehhh y'know something? That Michael Jackson's getting judged by a jury of his peers. Right. A Jury of His Peers. Right. Right, so, so, when they're done being sequestered, the jury members can return back to leading the Boy Scouts and romancing Liz Taylor!" (drum fill, Kevin Eubanks cackling in background) "Oh, oh and Jacko showed up at the courtroom last week wearing pajama bottoms. Yeah, yeah, Pajama Bottoms. Y'know he's at his low point when he can't even take his normal pants off fast enough!" (drum fill, Kevin Eubanks in tears, moaning, "Stop it, Jay, you're killing ... can't... breathe...")

4. When singing songs like The Girl is Mine and P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) in a karaoke context, they will be interpreted by others as snarky irony, rather than true unbridled passion.
5. Might have to sell futures in the Jesus Juice industry.
6. If he ends up getting involuntary house arrest, well, that doesn't really solve the problem.
7. I've polluted my blog with the Michael Jackson trial.