Ah, Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

There has been plenty of discussion afoot about this new Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Sandwich from Burger King. Well, the commercial at least. For one thing, little did anyone realize that when distraught Hootie & the Blowfish fans hit the blogosphere, they hit hard. And merciless. Armchair fast food historians are also speculating whether Arby's will counter with a special message from those guys in Los Del Rio. Watch the clip. (Windows Media)

But what took me most by surprise were the last three seconds, which feature former Wild On... host Brooke Burke swaying coquettishly on a swing, cradling said sandwich, saying, "Come an'... giddit!" Four syllables, which offer exactly three more tonal variations than Burke's entire history on television.

God bless Brooke Burke; on her various TV appearances, she's merely trying to come across as crisply informative and sultry. But the woman's delivery manages to drain all the excitement from whatever 4th world nation/island/resort her crew happens to stumble upon. Replacing it only with a blend of gastric discomfort and self-loathing. Which is, granted, not all too uncommon when you find yourself watching E! at 1 in the morning.

A true meeting of visual and aural greatness would be if Burke were habitually dubbed by that other Internet phenom - by this, I refer to the woman who does those equally popular Overstock.com TV ads. Despite whatever hour and whatever deadend cable channel she pops on, her clinical descriptions of books being priced 2 dollars below Amazon (on average) magically come to life. It absolutely defies explanation. There'd be a lot more Whopper units moved if Burke suddenly acquired a vaguely Teutonic twang in her speech.

My other candidate for Brooke Burke's VO artist? San Jose car dealer Glenn Hartzheim. This guy is great. A Bay Area resident will only see this guy's commercials if his or her television signal is provided not by coaxial cable, but rather by a couple of old soup cans filled with styrofoam. But when this guy really gets into his wild-eyed soliloquy, which is precisely after he utters, "Ah'm Gled Hahdzeib of Hahdzeib Dodge, bidja know dat ah'b bed idda bidineds fo ovah sixty years, and nebbah has bed a bedda time to buy a Dodge den now, as God is mah widness...", he starts to babble in tongues for about 18 minutes about Vipers and the majestic Capitol Expressway, after which you find yourself suddenly craving a Neon and a nap.

So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Burger King. Maybe I'll try out the sandwich. Whatever.