Pandafications

As with most inevitabilities, a discussion at work yesterday shifted to that of "miniature cattle". Specifically, that farmers are intentionally breeding cattle with the goal of getting one to fit underneath a common dinner table. Which often begs the simple question: "Why?"

Well, one answer might lie in Panda Cattle. Yes, somehow they were able to take your standard Holstein and reconfigure its spots so they correlate with that of your standard panda's. The goal, of course, is to provide the cuddliness of a panda with the cow-pie-producing powers of a cow.

Not that our panda fixation is relegated strictly to our bovine brethren. No, there has been remarkable progress in the pandification of dogs.

No, I believe there are more nefarious motives at heart. I believe that they want to transform the cow in a standard kitchen appliance, sort of like that garbage disposal pigasaur from The Flintstones:

Task #1: Get milk. Why go to the store and let the carton sit in your refrigerator, when you can just go to your family cow (idly sitting in the corner, next to the Lucky Charms, chewin' on somethin',) and fix yourself a fresh glass, straight from the source?

Task #2: Get a nice cut of flank steak. Why not go straight to ol' Nellie, cut open a flap of hide, and carve yourself a juicy delicious portion of beef? Don't worry, it'll heal over!

The future is here, and it does look succulent.