Focus Group Girl: Dude, this is the greatest thing, you share MP3s and stuff.
BK: Alack, I've suddenly become out of touch with the industry the very moment I entered it - the underlying irony does not escape me.
Focus Group Girl: Check it - [starts clicking around] I just grabbed some Blink 182 right now.
BK: [checking blood pressure] 120 over 80. Yet I feel so... feeble....
Focus Group Girl: Are you using Winamp to listen to MP3s?
BK: Win-wha?

Ralph Macchio's Journal - Disclaimer!

3/28/2004. 2:00am.

Currently listening to: "Tipsy (Radio Mix)", by J-Kwon.

So.

Hi.

I'm Ralph Macchio.

You know, that Tivo works pretty darn well, I must say. Like, I Tivo'ed The Karate Kid and The Outsiders - one of them was on TNT and the other was on the Superstation the other afternoon. Haven't seen those in a while, mind you. And then based on those two selections, the Tivo recommended that I should watch The Karate Kid Part II. And the Tivo Tivo'ed it. That was pretty spot on.

But then it also started Tivo'ing episodes of "Seaquest DSV" like mad - they were on Sci-Fi in some sort of marathon or something. I was like, "What's up with that?" And then I spent a couple hours thinking about it some more. And then I had some sort of epiphany because I just remembered that Jonathan Brandis was in this movie Sidekicks - which was a lot like The Karate Kid - plot- and character-wise. And he was in "Seaquest" I guess.

I wonder what the hell Joe Piscopo's up to these days? You're probably asking why I brought up Piscopo just now. Well, he was the bad guy in Sidekicks. He played sort of the "Mercy is for the weak" guy. Yeah, I actually saw the movie. Because you know, imitation's the sincerest form of flattery. And I wanted to take notes on the competition and such.

But now to someone I can't stand. Two words: Hilary Swank, man. She was in The Next Karate Kid, right? The role I invented. The franchise I nurtured and cultivated. Me. Does anyone remember The Next Karate Kid? Probably not, by my reckoning. Because she obviously couldn't fill my shoes (or traditional Gi, as it were.)

And then she ends up getting an Oscar or something for Boys Don't Cry? WTF?! She wasn't even a boy! By that logic, I should've gotten like a mega-super-shiny-Oscar for my work, man. I played a "kid" back in '90 and I was like 30 years old! And I didn't even really know karate.

The worst thing is that they didn't even ask me if I wanted to be in The Next Karate Kid - they could've like shown me in just a brief cameo or something. Like I could've been going to college or something - the audience would go nuts, I tell you. It'd be like if Adam West were in the Batman movie. And I'd be passing the torch to my kid sister, and you know, referring her to Mr. Miyagi and all that. Now I'm just brainstorming here, but maybe in like a pre-credits teaser, Kreese could've come back and clubbed my character from behind with like a big lead pipe, breaking my collar bone or something, which would send me to the hospital! And the kid sister character would be all swearing revenge and stuff, but Miyagi-san teaches her the value of